How to overcome shyness takes effort, time and will power. Shyness can be limiting, more so, if your lifestyle depends on human interactions. Most people struggling with shyness have to battle with being in the presence of a large crowd, among other demons. It can be difficult to notice the damage shyness might be causing to you, until it piles into a heap, with you at the bottom and shyness at the top. The most frustrating part of this is your thoughts; you always think you are alone. If you are in such a position, it is very understandable, but not true; 4 out of 10 people categorize themselves as shy people. This is both a good and bad news, both at once. It is good news because you have realized that you are not alone. It is bad news because you are still shy. Nevertheless, there is hope.
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There are several techniques that will allow you to get over shyness. However, all these techniques demand deliberate effort, commitment and time from you. You have to get out of your comfort zone and dive deep into the uncomfortable. This is not a high price to pay, considering you will bid goodbye to shyness, become an excellent communicator and pursue all of your interest with confidence. Before we delve into the different techniques, it is important for you to understand what shyness is to you. This will help you understand what you are fighting against. It will eliminate the possibility of going blindly into the battlefield and also improve your effectiveness in meeting your targets. Below are some of the techniques that you can use to overcome shyness effectively.
1. Do not advertise
The first answer to your question on how to get over being shy is learning not to tell. Everyone close to you is probably already aware of your shyness, telling them will be a repetition of what they are already aware of. Shyness is quite a conspicuous trait that can be picked by any casual observer. Keeping this to yourself will allow you to think otherwise, thus helping you improve your self-esteem, at the same time, eliminate the constant reminder from friends and loved ones about how shy you are.
2. Do not make a fuss out of it
Do not make a big deal out of it. Always make sure that you are calm and collected when any of your friends brings up a topic about your shyness. Speak of it in a low tone, with simplicity, a clear mind, and lightheartedness. This will give it a casual touch, diffuses their attacks, and possibly changes the direction of the conversation. This trick works all the time. When you argue, you invite more of their attacks, which pushes you into submission.
3. Control your inner-self
How to become confident and not shy is a matter of belief in oneself. Be your best motivator and teacher. Take control of your inner self and make him/her submit to you. Avoid negative criticism of self and build yourself up from inside out. Read and watch materials that will make you feel better about yourself. This will help raise your belief in you, to positive heights. In addition to this, make sure you build your inner self by associating yourself with people who motivate and encourage you.
4. Be aware of your strengths
Your strengths are your greatest qualities. Be deliberate in your pursuit of understanding your great qualities. It is always wise to begin by writing all your strengths on a piece of paper. You can invite your friend in on this, to help you identify your strengths. Once you have all your strengths on paper, recite them all to yourself. This will remind you of your contribution to all your engagements.
5. Avoid labels
Distancing yourself from labels allows you to be defined as a unique individual with traits that comprehensively define who you are. Do not allow yourself to be defined by a single character. It is not right and it will not paint the right picture of who you are; it is something that will have a negative impact on your self-image. In addition to this, you have to develop a new tone towards yourself. If you blush on one occasion or another, ensure that it stands for its own self. Do not try to justify it by making remarks that associate you with shyness.
6. Make a wise choice of friends and associates
It is not obvious to think this can answer your question on how to stop being shy and quiet. However, shy people have stronger relationships; fewer but deep. Ensure that you connect with people who care about you and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. In most cases, choosing the right partner is difficult. Do not be uptight about socializing, but make sure your time and efforts are invested in people who reciprocate and value what you have to offer.
7. Keep off bullies and people who make sarcastic remarks
In a world so diverse, you might find yourself in the company of people who do not project the best in you through their words. What matters to them is the strength of a punchline, regardless of its effect on you. Some of these people can’t draw a line between what is appropriate and what is not. Maintain a reasonable distance between you and these kinds of people, as they will weigh you down emotionally, denting your self-esteem; making you feel less of yourself.
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8. Remember that a bad moment does not mean a bad day
Shyness comes with an extra dose of overthinking. This results in different notions on how things happened, most of which are not true. In most cases, this results from spending much of your time in your head. It is easy to distort experiences and make a big deal out of an experience, that is not even true. Always remain focused on what matters. All the extras might be creations of your own brain and have everything to do with your shyness. In most cases, it is not felt by anyone else other than you.
9. Observe other people
Most shy people focus too much on themselves, especially their weaknesses. Take a break from this and begin to observe closely, what others are doing. This will help you get a new perspective on life and allow you to realize things that were not apparent to you. It is not a surprise for you to find more people with the same weaknesses as you. Everyone has their own insecurity that makes them uncomfortable in one way or another. This will give you closure and boost your confidence, knowing that you are not alone. However, you should not look too much such that you adopt other people’s traits, that will only end up being a burden on you.
10. Take the bull by the horns
Of the various ways to overcome shyness, this approach gives you an adrenaline rush, similar to that of jumping off a flying aeroplane. Dealing with the problem head-on is one of the best ways to fight your shyness. Identify a thing that sends chills down your spine and confront it without thinking too much. If it is approaching someone, begin by walking towards him or her, and then accompany it with words that sound appropriate for that conversation. Dropping a joke always starts the conversation well. Take action, it always leads in dimensions that you did not know existed.
11. Escape your imagination and let reality happen
Shy people tend to look at things their way. You always have a pattern of how things happen or should happen. Reality is, however, spontaneous and too random to recognize patterns. Shut down your imagination and let reality unfold as it wants or should. You might feel disapproval and resentment towards yourself, though that is not what others feel towards you in reality. Probably, people appreciate and love you more than you know and appreciate yourself.
12. Identify your weakness
Just like knowing your strengths, understanding your weaknesses will go a long way to ensuring that you take control of your emotions and life in general. Make a list of all your weakness and worries. Slowly, make a plan on how you are going to eliminate or deal with them once and for all. This will give you the confidence to carry on with a straight head and an open mind.
13. Do random and challenging acts
Shyness can emanate from the fear of the unknown. Ensuring that you engage yourself in random and challenging acts will make it easy for you to overcome shyness. Ensure that these acts are consistent with your fears and worries. This will give you a glance at the other side of fear. Chances are, you will realize that there is nothing there, other than your own thoughts.
14. Act confidently
Acting confidently helps you develop a sense of understanding of what you are capable of. However, you have to control this so that it does not spill over into pretence. Have confidence in yourself, and what you do. This will ensure that you focus on what is important and give the best of what you have to offer. Anytime you get a chance to express yourself to people, ensure that you gather the little confidence in you and own it. Speak with fluency, act with courage and deliver what you have to deliver in the best way that you can.
15. Be conscious and/or mindful
Being mindful is very important. It means being available at all times. Ensure that you recognize all your feelings and, deliberately pursue all your feelings with single-mindedness. Avail yourself for every moment of your life and make the most of it. Appreciate everything within you, and in your surroundings. All these should be done without judgment and with a clear head. Everything that you interact with has its significance in your life and should be awarded some level of respect they deserve.
16. Learn from experience
Learning from your daily experience will help you evaluate your day and determine your position as of that day. Ask yourself relevant questions about the day and all your experiences. While you find solutions to these questions, you find a way out of your shyness problem. In addition to this, relate your daily experiences to your psychological state with the aim of improving your outlook on your life. Experiences tend to build emotions, which are later processed by the mind, to help you define yourself to yourself. Watching what you do, and how you feel about it, is very important and it will, by a great margin, determine the kind of person you are to yourself. This helps in shaping what you become to yourself, and thus boost your confidence positively or negatively. Focus on the positive to realize a positive outlook of yourself.
Looking at all the strategies for overcoming shyness, you begin to wonder why are people shy? This is an honest question with no apparent answer. Everyone has his or her reason for being shy. One thing though, all these people share the same disadvantages, i.e. the lack of technical knowledge on how to overcome shyness. Those willing to make deliberate efforts towards solving their shyness problem get to cross over into the world of confidence and unlimited possibilities.