Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
Yvonne Nelson as maid of honour for Mercy Johnson's wedding/file photo

“I remember that day I got married. I would love to repeat the whole ceremony again, but obviously not the planning”, Yvonne said.

Eemane also said, “Finally it is over! Thank God (heaving a sigh of relief).

Clearly these two women would love to get married any day, but not going through the planning process.

In as much as weddings bring merry moments and bonding for family and friends, there are few challenges, the bride-to-be is saddled with. One of such is who to do what at the wedding. This especially is in relation to choosing who to be your maid of honour.

For a girl with many friends this always becomes a difficult decision to make. It even gets worst when your friends are expectant to be chosen for that role and they are not given that role.

Many at times it is common to notice that friends of the bride-to-be are at war because the bride-to-be chose a different person for this role. In reality it is tough for a bride to decide on the choice of one friend over the others.  In choosing one’s maid of honour the bride to be is also up in war as to whether to choose the best friend who made her maid of honour at her wedding or choosing your sister or cousin who made her maid of honour.

It is indeed a difficult decision for the bride-to-be to make, so this piece is to educate all on five top things to consider in making that choice for a maid of honour.

Let’s start with a brief history about the phrase Maid of Honour.

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A wedding picture with a maid of honour following the bride

A quick such into the word maid of honour means an unmarried woman who is the chief attendant of a bride. Originated in 1580’s to the 1590’s, Wikipedia, defines the role of a maid of honour as an unmarried woman who is the chief attendant of a bride. It adds that a maid of honour was a maiden, meaning that she was unmarried, and was usually young. Maids of honour were commonly in their sixteenth year or older. Some of the maids of honour were paid, while others were not. In the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, the term maid of honour in waiting was sometimes used. The other names for this role is principal bridesmaid, the chief bridesmaid or matron of honor if she is married , or the maid of honor if she is unmarried. A junior bridesmaid is a girl who is clearly too young to be married, but who is included as an honorary bridesmaid. In the United States, typically only the maid/matron of honor and the best man are the official witnesses for the wedding license. The maid/matron of honor is generally the bride's right-hand woman before and on the day of the wedding. Her main duties include planning the bridal shower and helping the bride select her gown and address invitations.


Having done this, let’s go head to the five important things to consider in the selection for a bridesmaid.

1. First on the list is to choose the person you are closest to

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A lovely  wedding picture with maid of honour

In choosing a maid of honour, never use an algebraic equation. By an algebraic equation, I mean never be caught in a situation where you are calculating how to repay the friend who made you her maid of honour at her wedding or are left calculating  how the other person would feel if you do not choose her. All these would make you confused the more. Just understand that it is a difficult task to choose the maid of honour but then also only one or few merit the position.  So it is best you choose a person you are closest to, one who has been supportive through it all, one who has been there and know the history of the relationship, which is about to lead to marriage. This criteria is suited for best friends, family or something of that sort, where a person becomes more of family than a friend. According to bridal site the,, it should be someone who you will feel nervous on that big day without her presence by you.

Julie Blais Comeau, etiquette expert and the author of Etiquette: Confidence & Credibility says “a bride to be should first select her maid of honour with her heart and the decision should feel good and right”. So in choosing the person for this role choose a friend who is not dramatic or emotional, as you do not need drama  or stress on your wedding day. So choose a maid of honor who can take charge for you and make decisions without being shy or nervous.  Remember! Don’t be pressured by relationships.. Choose from your heart.

2. Dealing with Blood ties

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A typical wedding with blood ties as maid of honour

Most brides to be get their mothers or family members advising them to choose a sister, cousin or niece for this role. It is not entirely wrong, but never feel pressured to take this decision. As stated earlier, choose the person you feel most connected to, no matter what.  Often choosing family over friends always create a platform for drama between friends who think they qualify for that position, but bear in mind that no matter who you settle on, people would be hurt. Some friends would forgo the hurt if you settle for family, but some make you feel they are hurt you chose a sibling. In whatever decision you take, be guided by trust and connection. At best put in a lot of pray to make that choice.

3. You are entitled to more than one maid of honour

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A typical wedding with maids of honour and bridesmaid

This is good news for anyone who cannot decide on who to choose as a maid of honour. This scenario happenes mostly where you have three or two close friends or family members. The good news is that you can choose all two or three as a maid of honour and if you are in a dilemma as to whether a man who is your bestfriend can be a maid of honour, then your answer is yes. If you are still undecided, then you can decide not to have anybody for the maid of honour role, for there's no written rule that you have to have a maid of honor. If you decide to have more than one, then they can share bridesmaid duties and responsibilities, split maid of honor responsibilities equally, or you can even delegate which tasks you'd like for them to handle. They can co-host the bachelorette or both take on a different shower. Explore your options bride-to-be, because you have a lot of them.

4. You can choose a man for this role

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A scene from the maid of honour movie with a man acting as maid of honour

The world is changing hence humans need to adapt to the change. If you have a male for a best friend and you are worried if he qualifies for that role, don’t be too worried because he does qualify for that role. According to wedding site, the, a man can also qualify for this role. Though not common in our part of the world, trust me you will make history with that choice.

Bear in mind that bridesmaids don't have to be "maids" and you can choose groomsmen who aren't men. Your best guy friend since the age of two can stand up with you on that day. Even your brother can be your "maid of honor" and so can your fathers or even your grandfather.  Due to the changing world order, gender rules are officially out the door, so don't sweat this decision if it is the right one for you. There is plenty of clothing options for any sex in the wedding party to choose from, including a man of honour, so never worry about what he will be wearing. Dare to make history bride-to-be!

5.Be sensitive and don’t succumb to any influence

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A picture of a bride with her maid of honour

Lastly in making this choice be sensitive to the emotions of others but don’t succumb to an influence from any quarter or what I call emotional blackmail. Don’t feel pressured to settle on someone because you feel you owe them for making you their maid of honour at their wedding.  Know that it is your day and the decision is in your hands. As research keep emphasizing, feel good at heart at who you settle on. Don’t feel pressured to settle on someone and later change your mind. Know that the choice comes with emotions so make the right decision and enjoy your marriage as you choice a maid of honour to take charge of affairs.

Five things to consider before choosing a maid of honour
A beautiful wedding with a maid of honour and bridesmaids

Remember, that your bridesmaids and honor attendants should be the people you feel most connected to. Don't let the politics of other people's wedding party choices get in your way. Even if you were a maid of honor for your friend's wedding, it's completely fine to choose someone else as your maid of honor. It's your wedding after all! You get to decide who should stand up with you on that special dayand don’t forget the old myth that once some is a maid of honour, she becomes the nest in waiting for marriage.. So bride-to-be make that great choice and push someone’s luck for marriage.



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