Divorce is dreadful period some marriage partners go through.
But before couples decide to go their separate ways, they must expect and consider these 6 things.
1. Trip out on grief
Regardless of how your marriage ends, it is a death. This means both of you will go through grief which is a powerful mind-altering substance. This state of mind will be profoundly uncomfortable and your emotions will also be out of control.
2. Choose healing
In the first weeks of the separation, you will desperately try to hold the space for two parallel realities: healing and hope for the salvage of your marriage. It is beyond your capacity to hold both “healing” and “hope” so abandon hope and choose healing instead.
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3. Shift attention away from your former partner
Regardless of how your separation goes down, you do not have to waste your energy on your ex. This will feel deeply frustrating. You would want to argue over details, assign blame and defend your actions. But the cold hard truth is it really doesn’t matter anymore.
4. Grab reinvention
This may be the best opportunity you have had in years to re-assess where you are, who you are and who you want to be.
5. Talk to all the people
When you are partnered, you focus most of your energy on that one person. But after separation, develop an insatiable hunger for new brains. Start focusing more energy on your closest bonds: your parents and friends. From there you could consider engaging strangers too.
6. Know that it gets better (even if you absolutely don’t believe it)
One of the hardest parts of post-divorce depression is dealing with the feeling that the pain is going to last forever. You cannot convince yourself of this but just let the reality float out there until you eventually feel it: it gets better.
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