20 crazy quotes from the Bible from various passages that you likely never knew about

20 crazy quotes from the Bible from various passages that you likely never knew about

The adherents of Christianity follow the principles written in the Good Book, which are believed to be inspired by God. But then, certain men wrote them down for posterity and to guide those who may want to tread that path on their spiritual journey. To this effect, some of the crazy quotes from the Bible may shock you and make you wonder if God wanted them said like that.

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crazy quotes from the Bible
Photo: unsplash.com, @aaronburden (modified by author)
Source: UGC

The crazy quotes from the Bible may be interpreted differently depending on a reader's comprehension. Still, some are so literal that there is no way to misunderstand them. For example, there is usually this saying among comedians and certain Christian preachers about God not being a Cosmic Killjoy.

Shocking Bible verses from the New Testament

Despite the wise sayings that the messiah was always dishing out to his disciples and followers, as documented in the New Testament, some verses attributed to him and some of his disciples may come off as shocking, no matter how many times you read them. Below are some of these seemingly ridiculous Bible verses:

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  • Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered. – Matthew 21:18
  • On the first day of the week, we gathered with the local believers to share in the Lord's Supper. Paul was preaching to them, and since he was leaving the next day, he kept talking until midnight. The upstairs room where we met was lighted with many flickering lamps. As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below. – Acts 20:7-9
  • When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it. Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children. – Matthew 27:24-25
  • You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. – Matthew 5:38-41
  • Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, n“Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” – Romans 12:19-20
  • Then she came and worshipped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” – Matthew 15:25-27

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bible verses about wisdom and foolishness
Photo: unsplash.com, @aaronburden (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Funny Bible verses

As much as the Bible is filled with commandments about how Christians should strive to live among their neighbours, some messages are passed across with an underlay of humour. Below are funny yet crazy Bible verses if you are looking to cheer up a colleague with a heavenly laughter scripture:

  • From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. "Get out of here, baldy!" they said. "Get out of here, baldy!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. – 2 Kings 2:23-24
  • You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. – Deuteronomy 23:12-13
  • And there was a great famine in Samaria, as they besieged it until a donkey's head was sold for eighty shekels of silver, and the fourth part of a kab of dove's dung for five shekels of silver. – 2 Kings 6:25
  • So Hanun seized David's servants and shaved off half of each one's beard. He cut the lower part of their robes off so that their butt*cks were exposed, and then sent them away. – 2 Samuel 10:4
  • Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genit^ls - as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions. – Ezekiel 23:19
  • But the commander replied, "Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own urine?" – Isaiah 36:12
  • Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. – Leviticus 19:19
  • Ye shall not round the corners of your heads. – Leviticus 19:27
  • One day the older daughter said to the younger, ‘Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children-as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father. – Genesis 19: 31-32

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Funny Bible proverbs

Below are a few Bible verses about wisdom and foolishness, primarily found in the book of Proverbs immediately after the book of Psalms. These sayings are worth teaching others.

funny bible proverbs
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Source: UGC
  • A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day. Whoever can control her can control the wind. He can even pick up olive oil with his right hand. – Proverbs 27:15-16
  • The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning. Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips. The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception. – Proverbs 14:6-8
  • Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. – Proverbs 25:20-22
  • The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of righteousness. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord. – Proverbs 16:31-33
  • The wicked covet the catch of evil men, but the root of the righteous yields fruit. The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous will come through trouble. A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth, and the recompense of a man’s hands will be rendered to him. – Proverbs 12:12-14

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Frequently asked questions

  1. What is the weirdest verse in the Bible? He who is emasculated by crushing or mutilation shall not enter the assembly of the Lord. – Deuteronomy 23:1
  2. What is the most controversial Bible verse? It depends on someone. For example, "But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him. – Matthew 5:39" seems controversial for many.
  3. What is the shortest Bible verse? Jesus wept. – John 11:35
  4. What are some crazy things in the Bible? One of them is when God tried to kill Moses, according to Exodus 4:24-26.
  5. What's the weirdest story in the Bible? The story of the bush that was on fire but did not burn, which Exodus 3 talks about.
  6. What are the debatable questions from the Bible? Some people question if Jesus is the son of God or God himself.

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You will find more than enough crazy quotes from the Bible if you make that sort of discovery a habit, but one thing you cannot take away from the Christians' holy book is its wide and vivid range of exposition on different topics. It offers a range of the most mundane of things to the most crucial and life-saving advice the average human may need in their lifetime.

Yen.com.gh recently shared a post on some Bible verses that can help you live purposefully.

As much as the Bible provides clues regarding man's mission on earth, everyone's responsibility is to discover and fulfil it. Check out the post to find out more about those verses.

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