What personality type holds grudges in relationships? How do you deal with it?

What personality type holds grudges in relationships? How do you deal with it?

Relationships are a dilemma. There is no universal, full-proof solution to people's problems as they come in different forms with varying dynamics, making everything convoluted. But everyone would agree that it is two-way traffic whereby people share sentiments, tolerating each other's unique personalities. Sometimes, people hold bitterness, others longer, finding it difficult to let go. So, what personality type holds grudges in a relationship? Are you among the grudge keepers that find it hard to make amends?

What personality type holds grudges
Two people in a relationship on bad terms. Photo: @sasint
Source: UGC

Expressing forgiveness is one of the most satisfying ways of repairing a tainted or broken relationship and promote excellent mental health. However, this is hard to achieve sometimes when holding grudges in relationships.

Why do people hold grudges in a relationship?

As you interact with other people in different circumstances, someone might make you happy and others angry. Among the instances that you have been erred, how many times did you react to express your dissatisfaction? Some, but not all. Get the idea?

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A majority of grudges come from the inability to express anger to an individual that has been hurtful or unkind to you. You experience it in your daily life, and it is quite common in relationships lacking openness.

Sometimes, it might be one of the partner's flaws, a weak link in their personality that makes them hold grudges instead of expressing themselves. People in relationships hold grudges because of the following reasons:

  • Failure to validate your partner how they want.
  • Always trying to fix the problem.
  • One partner feeling the past wasn’t fully repaired.
  • Taking your partner’s mood personally.
  • Feeling insecure.
  • Ignoring emotions.

It is also important to note that grudges come with identity. When one has their grudge intact, they know who they are, an individual that was wronged. Although the bitterness keeps the wound alive, the anger and victimhood give a sense of solidness and purpose.

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Therefore, for one to let go of the grudge, they ought to relinquish their identity as the wronged and whatever sympathy that comes with it. And that doesn’t sound easy when one feels the victim. In the end, people continue holding animosities that come out differently reliant on personality.

What personality type holds grudges?

What personality type holds grudges
A man and woman in a relationship after an argument. Photo: @Alex Green
Source: UGC

What is your personality type, and where do you think your lie in the grudge-holding meter? According to Myers-Briggs classification of personality types, some are more likely to hold hatreds than others. Which personality type is the most aggressive?

One thing you ought to note is that introverts and extroverts hold grudges differently. For instance, people with an introverted persona tend to hold grudges longer and may not be obvious about it. On the other hand, extroverts are more open about their anger and might not keep bitterness for long.


INFJs hold is a forgiving bunch, and they hold grudges to a certain extent allowing their partner numerous attempts to change. However, once they are wronged multiple times and are fed up, they will permanently eliminate the person from their lives.

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Their main reason for cutting people out of their lives is avoiding hurt once again, and it is nothing to do with getting back at them. People with this personality avoid confrontations as much as possible as they do not want to hurt someone.


INTJs don't desire to be held down by bitterness in a relationship and will do all they can to stay away from such. People with this personality trait will remove people from their lives if they are not loyal or worth their time. One thing to note about INTJs is that they are open-minded, but once hurt, they can hate someone with great passion.


Even though ISFJs do not like negative emotions, they can hold a grudge in certain circumstances. They find it hard to let go when someone hurts their loved one or wrongs them incredibly. However, ISFJs eventually let go of the other person and make amends as long as they appear sincere.

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People with this personality trait don’t like when someone doesn’t keep their word. ISTJs are rule followers and abide by reliability and consistency. When they feel betrayed, they are more likely to hold a grudge. If the offender doesn’t offer an apology, they cut them from their lives completely.


According to the MBTI personality test, ESTJs can hold grudges, mostly when one doesn't attempt to make amends. However, people with this personality might not trust the individual ever again, even if they appear to have forgiven them. ESTJs are easily frustrated by people that repeat mistakes.


ENFJs sometimes hold grudges. In most cases, it is when they are close to someone they do not like. They will attempt to be friendly as they do not want to be perceived as being rude. Individuals with this persona only hold grudges when wronged significantly and aren't affected by small things.

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People with this personality trait don't hold grudges for long and prefer letting the bitterness go. However, they might bury their emotions and have the feelings sneak up on them when they least expect. They are loyal, but when hurt, are defensive and reluctant to let go.


ENTJs only allow people they trust in their lives, and when the trust is lost, it is nearly impossible to regain. Such a reaction makes it seem like they are holding a grudge for a long time, but it makes more sense when you look at it from a logical perspective. One thing to note about people with this personality is that they can hold grudges forever.


If you are wondering, “Which personality type is the meanest?” then ESTP might be the one. They hold a mean grudge, but it ordinarily means that they care about the other person. The only way that they can eliminate the grievance is when they stop caring about the other person.

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How do the other personalities handle grudges?

What personality type holds grudges
Two young people in a relationship arguing. Photo: @Keira Burton
Source: UGC

Do INTP hold grudges? Although the other seven personalities can keep animosities, they have a mechanism of handling them. Some of them have a lower tolerance for the negative sentiments that come with a grudge.

For instance, INTPs and ENTPs stay away from grudges but will remember a severe offence while INFPs and ENFPs don't hold grudges at all. ISTPs and ISFPs don't see any value in grievances and prefer to live in the present. ESFPs don't hold to negative emotions and always want to forgive someone that has betrayed them.

How to deal with grudge holders?

The best way to deal with grudges is to work together towards finding an amicable solution. Therefore, instead of bashing grudge holders, it is better to find out more about the circumstances resulting to the grudge. Everyone in the relationship ought to do their part in understanding the other person's emotions as they come up.

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Also, it is essential to take the risk and express what one needs instead of waiting until one snaps out of nowhere. It is all about moving away from the focus of one who “wronged” you.

Which MBTI type has anger issues?

ISFPs are the most likely to get agitated and show it and vice versa. People with such personality traits prefer dealing with anger on their own, sorting it out internally.

The above information is an excellent answer to the common question of, "what personality holds grudges in a relationship?" Different personalities hold grudges differently. Where do you fall?

Yen.com.gh featured an interesting article highlighting the similarities and differences between omnivert and ambivert personalities.

These terms are often used interchangeably but lie within the boundaries of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. That is why it is hard knowing how people with the two characters differ.

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Source: YEN.com.gh

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