Your partner has cheated on you, and now you're faced with staying or walking away from the relationship. This is difficult for anyone to come back from, especially if infidelity is a recurring thing. Knowing when to walk away after infidelity is something that many people struggle with throughout their life. It's a test that no one wants to endure, but many are forced to face it in at least one of their relationships.
Love is anchored on the understanding that two people who have chosen to commit their lives have to be unwaveringly faithful to one another. This is not often the case because, at some point, one or even both parties find themselves getting involved with other people outside their relationship, be it an ex from a long time ago or a one-night stand with a random stranger.
When to walk away after infidelity
It may be the most difficult of times, but for the sake of your peace of mind and sanity, there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. Walking away from a cheating husband or wife is never easy because you have invested physically, financially, and mentally in the relationship. Below are signs that you are falling out of love, and you should walk away:
1. Your partner does not want to apologize and discuss what happened
Some people will never accept when they are wrong, and these do not deserve any forgiving. This is because they do not see any wrong in whatever they did and may repeat it. Apologizing and forgiveness are among the first stages of healing after infidelity.
If your partner cannot apologize for any bad behavior and refuses even to talk about what happened then, it may be the right time for you to walk away. His or her attitude could be a manifestation of some other underlying issues in your relationship that may be beyond salvaging.
It is also a sign that the partner is no longer interested in committing to improve the relationship, so why should you? Communication is important after infidelity, and it does not matter whether both of you want to stay in the relationship or not.
Without communication, there is no way of knowing what drove the other to infidelity, and the same thing might repeat itself in another relationship. If your partner can’t apologize, then you should terminate it immediately.
2. Your partner is not willing to get marriage or relationship counseling
Some people are naturally difficult to deal with and will end up wearing you down. Your partner may apologize and even talk about what happened but will not be willing to get counseling regardless of whether you think it is necessary or not. If your partner does not want to go for counseling, that can be taken to undermine the relationship.
Refusing to attend counseling is a red flag for you to know that your partner may not have what it takes to put effort to rekindle the closeness you once had. Even worse, it may be a sign that the person no longer believes in the bond between the two of you.
3. Unfaithful partner still in touch with the person they had an affair with
When a person is guilty of infidelity, the first course of action ought to be apologizing and cutting all links with the person they had an affair with. It should not matter whether that person is a childhood friend, a boss, or even a grieving mutual friend. If it happened once, it could happen again. Knowing that the pain of infidelity never goes away, it will even get worse every moment you see your spouse’s lover.
Your relationship stands a chance only if your spouse cuts all links with the person they had an affair with. This may range from deleting contacts, getting rid of photographs, and even stopping going to places where he/she is likely to bump into the other person. If no such effort is made, then that is your signal to walk away and never look back.
4. You want to stay only for the sake of the children
You might be one of the people who hold dear the notion that staying together no matter what is better for your children. The reality check is that staying in the marriage post-infidelity for the children can result in more harm than good. Your children may even pick up bad habits, which will then shape their adult lives.
You may stay for the children, but you will probably end up fighting or withdrawing and cutting off communication if you don't forgive the infidelity. This is an unhealthy environment for raising children. Staying will always burden your heart, and you may find yourself struggling with your decision afterward.
If the only thing keeping you in the marriage is your children, then it is a sign that you no longer love your spouse. The right thing to do is to leave as long as you both agree on how to co-parent.
5. You have no desire to stay
Sometimes, it might be you who is tired of the relationship without knowing it, which is one of the long-term infidelity effects. You may have driven your partner into infidelity or even be the one who had an affair, but that is not the real issue here. It could be that you have no desire to stay in the relationship and are only looking for an excuse to leave.
You may be at a point where you feel emotionally, mentally, and physically drained, and all you want is to be alone for some time. It may also be that you can no longer trust your partner. This is a sign that you ought to have walked away as soon as yesterday.
In such a case, no amount of relationship counseling will help save your marriage. If you still love each other, you can decide to stay apart for a certain period of time, after which you will know if it is okay to get back together or not.
6. Your partner plays the victim
This should be top among the marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity. There cannot be something worse than your partner having an affair and then acting like he/she is the victim. If his/her first line of defense is to make you feel that the infidelity was your fault, then you might want to think twice.
This is what some people refer to as gaslighting. It is a form of emotional and mental abuse in which the victim is made to doubt herself or himself and question their reality to a point where they lose their self-worth.
As long as your unfaithful partner makes you feel confused, guilty, or doubt yourself on whose fault it is, then you may never be able to leave the relationship or even resolve the underlying issues. There can never be a more toxic relationship because this one robes you of the most important thing, your dignity.
7. Your partner's behavior patterns
Your partner may display expressions other than infidelity that should serve as a warning sign. He or she may be showing contempt for your system of values. Perhaps it could be the sarcasm in his tone or even name-calling and mocking.
These are red flags that you are unwanted in that relationship and are probably responsible for falling out of love after infidelity. Do not take for granted any passive-aggressive behavior from your partner. Such actions will only end in major conflicts, in the long run, thus making it difficult even for reconciliation to happen.
8. It is not the first time your partner is lying
While it may be okay to forgive a cheating partner for the first and perhaps second time with the understanding that he/she is human, third and fourth chances in infidelity situations are a big no. When should you not forgive a cheating spouse? If your partner has done it several times before, it is a sign that he/she is not trustworthy.
At this stage, it will do you more good to end the relationship as soon as possible. You need to understand that your partner did not necessarily fall out of love with you because of the affair. Furthermore, the fact that he/she violated your personal boundaries is an indication of disrespect which should never be excused for whatever reason. If the partner has cheated severally in the past, it will be a waste of time for you to wait for him/her to change.
9. A rocky relationship
Sometimes you may examine your relationship and conclude that you deserve better. During a reflection on your relationship's history, you may find that you have been unhappy all along. Is it worth it? Do you remember the last time when things seemed good between the two of you, and you were both happy?
You may have been in a roller-coaster of a relationship filled with hurt feelings, apologies, and broken promises to a point you no longer know what a proper relationship ought to look like. If you find that things have always been difficult, you may want to pat yourself on the back for the far you have come.
Give yourself a new direction for the sake of your future. Can a spouse really ever forgive infidelity? Yes, but this is not and should not be one of those instances.
10. A serial liar
The infidelity may be an eye-opener of who your spouse really is. It is natural for people to want to hide their infidelity. Once you have unearthed the deception surrounding the infidelity, then it is high time you be on the lookout for other lies.
You might realize that your spouse is a habitual liar, lying even about the smallest things that don't call for dishonesty. What could this mean? Your entire marriage could be based on a pack of baseless lies. Frequent lying is a signal of a desire for independence.
Your spouse is keen on maintaining a segregated life of private details beyond what is reasonable for a trustworthy individual. Apart from demonstrating a lack of respect for you, the spouse might even conceal his/her true identity. If you discover that you are staying with a stranger, why will you not walk away?
Infidelity is the biggest dent that can happen in a relationship. People can be soul-mates and the best of friends until one is caught in an affair and become mortal enemies. Love is indeed such a beautiful thing, but then again, it is the singular thing that can cause individuals torturous suffering beyond words. It is crucial to know when to walk away after infidelity, no matter how difficult it may seem. At the end of the day, your life should always come first, even before the desires of your heart.
Yen.com.gh shared a list of 30 clear signs he loves you but is scared. It can be quite frustrating not knowing whether to go all in or to hold back and wait for the confession of a man giving you mixed reactions. Although it might be hard to wait for the actual revelation, looking out for signs he loves you but is scared will help you find out exactly how he feels.
Sometimes, it can be tough to figure out if a guy is a head over heels in love with you. However, they are a few indicators that you should look out for. If he does most of the things above, things could turn out positively because these are signs that he loves you but is scared to admit it or commit to you.