A lot of women wrongly assume that the key to a happy marriage is controlling their husbands. Others are controlling and manipulative without even realizing that they are. Whether it is intentional or not, being controlling is a sure way to destroy a marriage. If you have been told you are controlling, learn how to control your husband, and see if you do any of these things.
Most people who are controlling think that they are being helpful. It is common knowledge that in most cases, women know their way around a house better than men do. This also applies to making decisions. Therefore, it is natural to assume that since you know better than he does, you should help him do better. This controlling behavior creates tensions in homes.
How to control your husband without him knowing
Trying to control your husband leads to a lot of resentment from both parties. Even if it is something as simple as demanding that he does something your way, it can be quite damaging to the intimacy needed to have a happy marriage. If your husband has told you that you are controlling, but you don’t think you are, here are some ways to keep your man in check. See if you check any of the boxes.
1. Speaking on your husband’s behalf
Unless your husband has specifically asked you to speak on his behalf in a situation, doing so out of turn is controlling him. It doesn’t matter where it happens. Whether it is at the hospital or a restaurant, you should let him speak for himself.
Most times, speaking for someone is an attempt to ensure that everyone gets the right information. However, doing this means that you are assuming that your husband cannot do that himself.
2. Making decisions for him
Whether the decision is a small one like what you will eat or a big one like whether you will have a family, your husband has the right to voice his opinion on the matter. Even if you are sure that what you want is the best thing for him, you should be able to listen to what he has to say and make him feel heard.
Being the default decision-maker is a true sign that you are controlling. This communicates a lack of trust in your husband, and he will definitely notice that.
3. Don’t compromise
Being disappointed when something doesn’t go your way is absolutely normal. However, if you see compromise as a personal attack, then that is definitely a problem. A good relationship should be about two people working together to make each other’s lives better. Two people in a relationship should look at a problem from both sides and then arrive at a compromise that is suitable for everyone.
If you are a partner who is never willing to do that, it forces your husband to sacrifice his needs all the time to meet yours. This communicates that your needs are more important than his and could wreak havoc on his self-esteem.
4. You dictate what the future holds for him
You may feel the need to control your husband after marriage, particularly his future. This is because after you get married, your futures are intertwined. However, what your husband decides to do is his decision. It is ok to give a little input but making demands is not a good sign.
If your husband decides to make big life changes, you should be a supporter, and if not, you should tell him your reasons without attacking him. After telling him your reasons, you should trust that he will choose what is best for both of you. Failure to do this will force him to abandon his plans to please you.
5. You get angry when you don’t get what you want
This doesn’t have to be violent to be considered controlling. Sometimes you can do this through emotional manipulation. This makes your husband live in fear of what will happen if he disobeys you. Over time, this controlling behavior adds up to create a husband under wife's control. You may also seek to control your husband from his mother if your wants and hers are different.
6. Constant criticism
Giving your husband your opinion on something is ok if he asked for it. However, making snide remarks at things he does, or even his appearance, is downright controlling. It will lower his self-esteem and may even make it hard for him to feel loved and validated unconditionally.
7. You keep score
A bit of reciprocity is vital to the maintenance of a healthy relationship. However, if you keep score and plan revenge when your husband disappoints you in any way, you are a controlling person. Also, if whenever you do something nice for your husband, you expect, or even demand, him to do something nice back, that is very controlling behavior.
8. You make acceptance conditional
If you say things like “If you keep working out and lose a bit more weight, you’ll be more attractive to me” to your husband, then you may unwittingly be controlling him in your relationship. It communicates to him that you don’t think that he is good enough until he does something, be it getting a haircut or a new job.
9. You assume that he is guilty
If whenever you suspect your husband of something, you automatically assume he did it and start plotting a punishment, this is manipulative behavior. It shows your husband that you have no trust in him whatsoever. This will make him walk on eggshells around you to avoid any suspicion since you never bother to confirm whether they are true before acting on it.
10. Belittling him for his beliefs
Even if you don’t have the same beliefs or opinions as your partner, you should respect them. Making him feel small or stupid for believing in something is cruel. It may make him abandon his beliefs to please you. This will keep your husband under your control, which is not healthy.
Unhealthy patterns in relationships are not always obvious. If you don’t know how to control your husband, you may not know that you are doing it. If you are controlling, learn what you are doing wrong, seek help, and try to win your husband's heart all over again.
The advent of mobile phones and increased connectivity has made it possible to meet people worldwide. One way to keep the romance going when you don’t get to see your partner as often as you would like is to get them gifts that will remind them of you.