50 Hilarious and unique long jokes that will have you laughing out loud
People have been using jokes in comedy for a long time to make people laugh. Some people are naturally good at making jokes and can do it in any situation. Sometimes, telling jokes is impressive, lightening the mood and creating unbreakable bonds. Unique long jokes are a type of jokes that come as a conversation. Some have hilarious twists that will leave you in stitches.
Source: Getty Images
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Long jokes take time but significantly impact people's laughter and enjoyment. They are like surprises because they start in one direction but end in another unexpected way. When someone tells a joke with a twist, listeners are interested and engaged until the end.
Unique long jokes
The best long jokes are very interesting and hilarious. They're the storytelling equivalent of fine wine, requiring time to savour and appreciate fully. Here are a few unique quotes you can share with friends and family.
- The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?' The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?' The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?' The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
- A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.
- The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tyres. She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tyres and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation."
- My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning, and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.
- A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern. Later, I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.
- A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
Read also
Man Demands DNA Test Before Signing Baby's Birth Certificate: "Can't Raise Someone's Child"
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
Source: UGC
- My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long-distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
- After a prolonged drought, when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him why he was so sad, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.
- A passenger jet was experiencing a severe thunderstorm. As the turbulence bounced around the passengers, a young woman turned to the rabbi sitting next to her and, with a nervous laugh, asked, "Rabbi, you're a man of God; can't you do something about this storm?" He replied, "So sorry, madam, but I cannot help. I'm in sales, not management."
- A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one continued for more than two weeks. When asked, he replied miserably, "My wife missed the bus.
- My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. He wanted them to paint his porch. After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete. Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche.
- I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese. The librarian politely told him that he was in a library. The man first apologised and then whispered to the librarian, "Can I please have some ham and cheese?"
- Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist's office.
"Hello, there," said one. "Are you coming or going?"
"If I knew that," said the other, "I wouldn't be here."
- A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
Long dad jokes
Source: Getty Images
Dads are known to be serious people, especially when parenting. However, it is good to understand that they are humans and can easily laugh and make good jokes. Here are some funny long jokes for dads that will crack them up.
- Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache? The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had $1,999. Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!
- I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
- You are on a horse riding full gallop. Next to you is a giraffe at full gallop, and behind you is a lion on your tail. What do you do? Get off the carousel.
- A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
- A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
- A pony walks into a noisy bar and tries to order a beer. The bartender says I can't hear you! You'll have to speak up!" The Pony says, "Sorry! I'm a little horse.
- Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web. What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common? They both have stuffing.
- I was standing behind a customer at an ATM, and he turned around and said, “Could you check my balance?” So I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.
- A man walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asked,
"Does the animal talk?" The parrot replied,
"I don't know.
- The other day, I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am
- I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.” So I went in and applied for the job.
- My son’s fourth birthday was today. When he came to see me, I didn’t recognise him at first. I had never seen him be four.
Long jokes for kids
Source: UGC
Most children's jokes are hilarious because they focus on everyday adventures. Below are some long jokes that are actually funny and that you should share with your children.
- A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and says, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please. The librarian says,
"Sir, you know you're in a library, right?"
"Sorry," he whispers. "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please."
- A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says,
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, "But, sir, it's fresh ground!"
- Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.
“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”
- What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren’t so fresh, we wouldn’t be in this jam.
- A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears, saying, "What is your first wish?
The kid says, "I wish I were rich!"
The genie replies, "It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?"
- While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up. Don't bother, young man," said the customer.
"It's self-rising."
Source: UGC
- Which thing do a judge and an English teacher have in common? Sentences lots and lots of sentences.
- A man visited a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he said. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"He's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
- A boy and a man sit on a couch together. The boy says to the man, Yeah, well, I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.
- A businessman entered the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day, which the businessman thought was strange.
"The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint, which read: "For best results, put on two coats."
- Today, my kid asked, "Can I have a bookmark? And I burst into tears. It's been 11 years, and my kid still doesn't know my name is Brian.
- You're American when you go into the bathroom and when you come out of the bathroom, but what are you doing while you're in the bathroom? European.
- My daughter brought a friend from school, and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later. I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfathers lived for so long?"
My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter.
Long jokes with a twist
Source: Getty Images
These are like roller coasters for the mind, taking us on a journey of anticipation and surprise. When you think you know where the joke is heading, it suddenly veers off in an unexpected direction. So, what is your favourite super-long joke with a surprise ending?
- A horse walks into a bar... He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labelled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
- In breaking news, Trump's library has burned down. The fire consumed both books, and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished colouring the second one.
Edit: Wow! Thank you for all of the awards; I didn't anticipate that. Some people need to relax, though. This is just a freakin' joke, not the agenda of a movement.
- As I get older, I remember all the people I lost. My budding career as a tour guide may not be the right choice.
- A guy is late for an important meeting, but he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray: "Please, Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. I found one!"
- I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
- Also, why are so many individuals hard-headed about this being a joke they have heard before? You guys must be great at parties, lol.
- A guy goes to a psychiatrist. Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First, I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?
The doctor replies, "It's straightforward. You're two tents."
- A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
- Wife: look at that drunk guy.
Husband: who is he?
Wife: 10 years ago, he proposed to me, and I rejected him.
Husband: oh my god, he is still celebrating.
- My 5-year-old's painful twist on a knock-knock joke. I told my son the "knock knock, who's their banana joke," and he laughed and told me to tell him again. As I said knock knock, he backhanded my face and said, "You shouldn't stand so close to the door.
Coming up with unique long jokes on the spot that makes people howling with laughter can be an arduous task. But then, this is a list of some of the best jokes to make your work easier and your friends happy.
Yen.com.gh published an interesting list of hilarious flower puns and jokes. There are various entertaining ways to play with flower names and meanings, and floral puns and jokes can help.
Adding some hilarious flower puns to complement flowers would only enhance the beauty of nature. Read the article for more about the flower puns.
Source: YEN.com.gh
