“I'm A Divorced Ghanaian Mum Of 4, How Do I Cope With The Heartbreaking Trauma”: Expert Speaks

• A divorced Ghanaian mother of four has opened up about struggling with trauma after her five-year marriage collapsed
• In a message to YEN.com.gh seeking expert guidance on how to cope with the anguish, she described the events that resulted in the heartbreaking divorce
• Erica Daniel, an African-American professional intimacy coach, has detailed how she can deal with the stress

“My marriage ended in early 2021 after I discovered evidence that my husband of five years had been cheating with another lady. We were both in the kitchen when my business phone slid into the water-filled dish sink. I instantly grabbed it and used my spouse’s phone to dial my number. He had ended a call not long ago. In my rush, I clicked on the message icon on his phone, where I discovered a message with a female name addressing my husband as 'my love.'”

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I was more concerned about my phone, so I made sure I could still receive and make calls. I quickly grabbed a screenshot of the message on his phone before he could retrieve his phone. I suspected the message, which confirmed he had been having extramarital affairs, was one of many he had forgotten to delete. I smashed his phone out of anger, knowing I had made so many excuses for him even when my friends sent photos of him and a particular lady at different locations. He had also said the woman was a business associate. I knew she was the one because I had already taken her number through a colleague.

After months of separation, he admitted to cheating and apologised, but I ended our marriage because it was not his first. I was tired of making excuses for him because of our children and being the only one saving our marriage. However, getting a divorce has given me soaring levels of anxiety due to post-traumatic stress disorder. How do I deal with the trauma of divorce, especially when there are four kids involved?

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Erica Daniel is an Ohio native and a US-certified intimacy coach based in Accra, Ghana. Her experience covers over a decade in the US and Africa, including Ghana. She explained how the couple can deal with the difficulties of divorce. Erica Daniel has advised many Ghanaian couples, including former Black Stars captain Asamoah Gyan.

Acknowledging emotions and seeking professional help

When you divorce, it’s completely normal to experience a range of emotions, including bitterness and disappointment, especially if you have a loving connection with someone. First, acknowledge and be honest with these emotions, knowing that many others have felt the same way.

Remember, you can lessen the grip of these emotions on you. By actively seeking professional support, you can transition from being controlled by your feelings to regulating them. This empowerment can help you navigate through disappointment and other challenges with a renewed sense of control.

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Communication with the kids

It’s also important for you as a former Ghanaian couple to understand that no matter how hard you try, you’ll probably do something that leaves a lasting effect on the kids. As parents, you must show your children much love and explain that what is happening is not the result of their actions or fault.

Also, you should discuss the problem with the children because they can sense the stress and cannot wait for the parents to part. So, you should chat with the children to find out where they are on the spectrum and how they feel about the situation. These can be motivating for the kids.

More importantly, seek help from a professional to assist you in coping with the trauma.

Disclaimer: The advice in this article is general and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about marriage or dealing with the trauma of divorce. They should always seek professional advice that considers their circumstances before deciding.

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Do you have a story or need expert advice? Contact us at ask.an.expert@yen.com.gh, with Ask an Expert in the subject line.

7 expert tips to help couples navigate and resolve conflicts in their marriage

In a previous story, YEN.com.gh reported that resolving conflict in a marriage is significant for maintaining a healthy union, ensuring its longevity, and for the parties to have a fulfilled love life.

Couples must understand that conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, but how they handle them can make a significant difference in the marriage.

YEN.com.gh spoke to Erica Daniel, a native of Ohio and US-certified intimacy coach based in Accra, Ghana, about seven expert tips to help couples navigate and resolve conflicts in their marriage.

Source: YEN.com.gh