Awesome blonde jokes one liners: Top 250
Jokes are one of the ways to put away worries and focus on the good side of life. There are times we wish to make people laugh, but we are limited by time. This is where blonde jokes one liners like other one liners bridge the gap. Because they are short and straight to the point, it is easier to understand and assimilate. This gives them the advantages of making a more significant impact.
Source: UGC
There are funny short jokes to get your audience rolling over on the floor. There are a few jokes on blondes. In fact, many blonde jokes are based on common stereotypes, and some do not find them funny as they claim it is racist. But one should bear in mind that puns are intended for only fun. Do not take them seriously, but relax and laugh as you go through some of the best short jokes.
Funny blonde jokes one liners
1. To make a blonde laugh on a Sunday, tell him a joke on Thursday.
2. Blondes go to the vegetable garden to meet their relatives.
3. 144 blondes is a perfect definition of gross incompetence.
4. Blondes buy a brown cow to get chocolate milk.
5. A blonde surrounded by idiots always feels flattered.
6. Blondes’ brain cells die alone.
7. A Blonde rapidly covers his ears with his hands to refuel his brain.
READ ALSO: 100 funny things to say: random laughter quotes
8. Blondes wash their heads in the sink because that is where vegetables are washed.
9. Blondes wear underwear to keep their ankles warm.
10. A stereotypical blonde spells farm as E-I-E-I-O.
11. Q: What is the first thing blondes do when they wake up?
A: they introduce themselves and walk home.
12. Q: What do blondes do immediately after sex?
A: They open the car door.
13. Q: What is the reason a blonde wears green lipsticks?
14. A: Because Red connotes stop
15. Q: What does a blonde girl shout during sex?
A: ‘I am drunk’, I said.
16. Q: What is a brunette with two blondes on both sides called?
A: An interpreter.
17. Q: What is the name for a blonde dyed brunette
18. A: Artificial Intelligence
19. Q: Why does a blonde smile at the flash of lightning?
20. A: He thinks heaven is taking his photos.
21. Q: I have slept with a Brazilian.
Blonde: How many Brazilians?
22. Q: What does a blonde call a box of cheerio?
A: A doughnut seed.
23. Q: How do you keep a blonde woman in the house?
A: Put in a circle driveaway.
24. Q: Why do some blondes have lipsticks on their steering wheel?
A: They try to blow the horn.
25. Q: What happens when a blonde blows in the air into the ear of another blonde?
A: Data transfer.
26. Q: How is a blonde different from a bowling ball?
A: Three fingers can fit into a bowling ball.
27. Q: What does a blonde say when she finds out about her pregnancy?
28. A: Are you sure it is mine?
29. Q: Why is it difficult for a blonde to work in a banana plantation?
A: She will throw out all the bent banana.
30. Q: How do you get a blonde drowned?
A: Put a sniff at the base of the pool.
Source: UGC
31. Q: How can you break the nose of a blonde?
A: Place an ice cream beneath a glass table.
32. Q: How do you a blonde false hope?
A: Your hair will be grey when you are old.
33. Q: What is the weirdest thing a blonde does?
A: Trying to down a fish.
34. Q: Why does a blonde take a ruler to bed?
A: To measure how long she sleeps.
35. Q: Why will a blonde spend a long time looking at an orange box?
A: Because it says ‘concentrate’.
36. Q: What do you think a blonde who missed the 44 bus, will do?
A: He will take the 22 bus twice.
37. Q: Why do blondes hate to breastfeed?
A: Because it hurts, they boil their nipples.
38. Q: What is a blonde's understanding of safe sex?
A: Lock the car door first
39. Q: If a blonde and his friend jump off the top of a building, who will fall first?
A: His friend, the blonde, will stop to ask for direction.
40. Q: What do blonde think about their maths test?
A: Nothing.
41. Q: What name is best for a blonde who dyes his hair?
A: Artificial Intelligence
42. Q: What do you call a blonde that has a brain?
A: A golden retriever
43. Q: What is a blonde with a 50 IQ referred to as?
44. Gifted
45. Q: Why do blondes prefer VWs?
A: They can not spell Porsche.
46. Q: What strikes a blonde without her knowledge?
A: Thought
47. Q: What is peculiar about a blonde who has a Ph.D. in Psychology?
A: She will also blow your mind.
48. Q: Why do blondes love making corn flakes?
A: They are easy to prepare, and the taste is good.
49. Q: What is the easiest way to make a blonde go to the roof?
A: Tell him his food is in the house.
50. Q: Why will a blonde be confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She will not know who the other mother is.
Awesome Jokes
51. A blonde had to put some make-up on her forehand because she wanted to make up her mind.
52. A blonde was starring at Ford, and his friend asked him why he has been starring for so long. She said, 'because it says 'focus'.
53. A blonde went into a library, moved close to the counter, and slammed a book on the floor, and shouted at the librarian, 'this is the worst book I have ever come across'. 'There is no plot, and the characters in it are too many'. The librarian replied, 'that is our call log'.
54. A blonde's friend left his phone at his house. The blonde after several attempts to reach him sent him a message on WhatsApp asking why he has not been picking his call.
55. A blonde was feeling so excited after completing his puzzle in 6 months. His brother asked what the secret was. He replied, 'the box says 2-4 years'.
56. A blonde’s teacher asked her to spell Mississippi, she asked the teacher, ‘is it the river or the state?’
57. A blonde went to an electronics store and told the salesperson that he wanted to buy the Tv. The salesman sighed and said, we do not sell to blondes. The blonde left angrily. He came back the next day with his hair dyed to brown. The same scene played out, and the salesman said, 'sorry, we do not sell to blondes'. He came back the next day with black hair and said to the salesman, 'I want that TV'. The salesman said, 'we do not sell to blondes'. The blonde became curious and asked, 'how do you know I am a blonde?' The salesman answered, 'because that is a microwave'.
58. A policewoman stopped a blonde for driving on a one-way street and asked him if he knew where he was going. The blonde replied, ‘no, but I think it is a bad place since everyone was leaving’.
59. A blonde started crying after the doctor told her she was pregnant with twins. The doctor asked, ‘what is the problem?’ she replied, ‘I do not know the second dad’.
60. A blonde sat in front of his keyboard for over 20 minutes searching for ‘ANY KEY’ since the site he was on said, ‘press any key to start’.
61. A blonde man called a doctor and told him his wife was pregnant and having some complications.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Blonde man: No, this is her husband on the line.
62. A blonde was complaining to his blonde friend over the shampoo he bought.
First blonde: The shampoo runs down my whole body when I am washing my hair.
Second blonde: Maybe you bought the wrong type.
63. A guy and his blonde girlfriend were at a movie making out, and he asked her, 'baby, do you want to get in the back?' The blonde replied, 'no baby, I want to stay in the front with you.
64. Blondes climb a chain-link fence to see what is on the other side.
65. A blonde cannot have a driver’s license because each time the instructors say, ‘let us park’ he quickly jumps in the back seat.
66. Two blondes were driving to Arema Cinema. The sign said, "Arema Cinema left". They went home crying.
67. There was a helicopter crash and the pilot who was blonde was asked what happened. He said, ‘I had to turn off the fan as it became chilly in there’.
68. A blonde ordered a pizza and the salesperson asked if he wanted the pizza cut into six or twelve pieces. He said, ‘six, I can never eat twelve’.
Source: UGC
69. Q: What is a blonde with two brain cells called?
A: Pregnant.
70. Q: What do a blonde and bottle of beer have in common?
A: Both can be empty after some minutes.
71. A blonde went to see a doctor because of a pain he feels in his eyes after drinking a cup of coffee. The doctor asked, ‘did you remove the spoon from the cup before drinking?’
72. A blonde was listening to the news and heard that two Mexican women died in an auto crash. He asked and shouted, ‘how is a Mexican’.
73. A blonde went into the bathroom and his wife asks if he has seen the shampoo. He replied, 'yes, but I am confused about what to do, the one here is for dry hair, and I have already wetted my hair'.
74. A blonde finds a letter in her letterbox which says do not 'bend'. She stood there for a few hours, thinking of how to bring it out.
75. Q: How do you react if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Remove the pin and throw back at him.
76. What is a dumb brunette known as?
A: A dirty blonde.
77. Q: Why is it wrong to give blondes coffee breaks?
A: It always takes a long time to train them again.
78. Q: How many blondes can play Hide and Seek?
A: Only one.
79. Q: How does a blonde attempt to kill a bird?
A: They throw it off the cliff.
80. Q: What do blonde owls say?
A: What, what?
81. Q: Why does a blonde have TGIF on his shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
82. Q: What should you do to make a blonde change his mind?
A: Blow the air into her ear and buy him some beer.
83. Q: Why does a blonde like large earrings?
A: For her feet to pass through.
84. Q: What does a blonde do as foreplay?
A: Remove her underwear.
85. Q: Between an intelligent blonde and a dragon, which is easier to see?
A: They are on the same level.
86. Q: What is a blonde who has lost 90% of her intelligence called?
A: Divorced.
87. Q: What is the reason a blonde broke her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell from the tree.
88. Q: How do blondes die drinking milk?
A: The cow falls on them.
89. Q: Why will a blonde burn her nose?
A: She will be bobbing for french fries.
90. Q: How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer?
A: The screen will have a white-out.
91. Q: How do you know that another blonde has been using the same computer?
A: There will be some writings on the white-out.
92. Q: How do you discover if a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: The fax will have a stamp on it.
93. Q: How can you know a blonde that cooks well?
A: She removes the pop tarts from the toaster in one piece.
94. Q: What do you about a dead blonde in the closet?
A: She won the hide and seek game the previous year.
95. Q. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen juice container?
A. The container reminded him of the Sunday breakfast with her mother before she committed suicide.
96. Q. How many blondes do you to change a light bulb?
A. They prefer darkness.
97. First blonde: I think I have fallen in love.
Second blonde: Where did you fall from?
98. Q: What do you call a blonde who calls another person dumb?
A: Ambulance
99. Q: How can you make an armed blonde come out from a tree?
A: Wave to her.
100. Q: What do you call a blonde who bleaches?
A: A genius
101. Do not waste your time teaching a blonde some calculations; you always do it each he needs it.
102. Q: Between a tiger without claws and a caring blonde? Which is easier to find?
A: A tiger without claws obviously
103. Q: Why is it a bad idea to tell jokes to blondes?
A: They cannot get it.
104. Q: What is a blonde with a high IQ called?
A: An impossible equation.
105. Q: What do you do when you see a blonde in your dreams?
A: The hardest thing to do is to ignore a redhead.
106. Doctor: You look so tired.
Blonde: I was studying for the blood test at night.
107. If you want to enter an argument with a redhead, just mumble some words.
Short Jokes
108. Q. What is the sign that a blonde is using your typewriter?
109. A. There are dried tears and nicotine-stained keys.
110. Q. Why caused the blonde to drive her car into the ditch?
A. Despair overtook her because no one was waiting for her arrival.
111. Q: Why does a blonde walk past medicine cabinets silently?
A: He does not want to wake up the sleeping pills.
112. Q: What is the best way to keep a blonde busy?
A: Write “flip” on each side of a paper.
114. Q: What caused the burn on the blonde’s ear?
A: She had the phone close while she was ironing.
115. Q: Why are blondes jokes very simple to understand?
A: Brunettes need to understand them.
116. A blonde went to the library and got a book titled ‘ how to hug’. She got home and found out it was the seventh volume of the Encyclopedia.
Source: UGC
117. Q: What is best to keep a blonde in the shower all day?
A: Give her a bottle of shampoo with the inscription “lather, rinse, repeat.”
118. Q: What is the biggest bream of many blondes?
A: Become like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
119. Q: Why does a blonde like boob jobs?
A: It is really the only job they’re qualified for.
120. Q: Why do blondes stare at an orange juice container for a long?
A: Because it says, “concentrate.”
121. Q: Why makes a blonde put his iPad in the blender?
A: He wants to make apple juice.
122. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle share in common with a blonde?
A: Both of them swallow a lot of seamen.
123. Q: Why does a blonde not talk during sex?
A: Her mum instructed her to avoid talking to strangers.
124. Q: How can you confuse blondes?
A: Say two things simultaneously.
125. Q: What does a screen door have in common with a blonde?
A: The more they are banged, the looser they become.
126. Q: Why did the blonde boy carry a ladder to the bar?
A: His friend told him the drinks were on the house.
127. Q: Is there a difference between a light bulb and a pregnant blonde?
A: One can unscrew a light bulb.
128. Q: What does a blonde do to his frozen laptop?
A: He microwaves them.
129. What is the reason many blondes wear condoms on their ears?
A: To avoid them from contracting hearing AIDS.
130. What do a dog shit and blonde have in common?
A: It becomes easier to pick them up when they get older.
131. How can you confuse a blonde?
A. You do not need to. It is natural for them.
132. Why does a blonde make a messy bank robber?
A: Because he ties up the safe then blows the guards.
133. Why is it hard for a blonde to dial 911?
A: It is impossible to see the eleven.
134. Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A: She would not stop throwing away the W’s.
135. Why does a blonde hold their hands firmly over his ear?
A: Because he needs to push in some thought.
136. You cannot spend five minutes with a blonde without having a bad day. They are mood spoilers.
137. The wisest thing a blonde can do is to keep quiet. Every sentence from them translates to garbage.
138. Blondes are only good for jokes. Do not bother looking for one to influence your life.
139. Having a blonde as a role model as good as giving up in life. Choose a brunette instead.
140. Even blonde see dating a blonde as a tough job to do. It will consume your energy.
141. If blondes were to be universities, nobody would even graduate from them. They will teach nothing.
142. Never take pictures with a blonde, you will end up with seeing a vegetable beside you.
143. The worst job you can give a blonde is carpentry, and he will push the nail into his fingers. A blonde nurse is no different.
READ ALSO: Cute questions to ask your boyfriend: 230 top ideas
144. The bravest blonde cannot lift the most courageous thing a redhead can do is to go out when the sun is at its peak. He will enter the Guinness book of record.
145. Blondes come with a natural commitment to be dumb. They are always obedient to this.
146. Each time I want to type blonde with my smartphone, I will get an error message until I got a low-quality phone. I type blonde effectively now.
147. The common thing between a smart blonde and a flying dog is that they are both an illusion.
148. The easiest way to invite boredom is to move in with two blondes. The boredom is incurable.
149. Blonde lesbians are so dumb they still go after men. The word bisexual is too smart for them.
150. A brunette and blonde were walking in a park, the brunette asked, ‘friend, can you see the forest there?’ The blonde replied, no, the trees are covering them’.
Source: UGC
Funniest jokes
151. Q: Between a slim elephant and a smart blonde, which is easier to find?
A: They are in the same category.
152. Q: Why is it rare to find a brilliant?
A: It is against nature.
153. Q: If the days of the weeks were to humans.
A: Thursday will be blonde. Very insignificant.
154. Q: Why is it impossible for blondes to make jokes?
A: Because they are jokes.
155. Q: What is the reason a blonde cannot have a nickname?
A: Because blonde is the default.
156. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a dog?
A: A dog can be trained.
157. Q: Why did the blonde boy call the welfare department?
A: He wanted to learn how to cut vegetables without feeling bad.
158. Q: What do you call 12 blondes in a room?
A: A dozen dumbness
159. Q: What is a blonde with a new laptop called?
A: A dumb terminal.
160. Q: How is a blonde brainwashed?
A: Give a douche to him and shake upside down.
161. Q: If a smart blonde and a dumb blonde are in a room and the doorbell rings, who goes to answer it?
A: The dumb blonde, there is nothing like a smart blonde.
162. Q: What does a blonde say after sex?
A: 1. Thanks, guys, 2. Do you all belong to the same band? 3. Do you guys support the same team?
Blonde jokes
163. 17 blondes were invited to a disco party, and they stood at the door when they got to the venue. One of their friends came and asked why they are not inside enjoying with others. They replied, 'the sign on the door says, 'Must be 18 to enter'.
164. The postmaster at the post office saw a blonde shouting into a white envelope and asked what she was doing. She replied, ‘sending a voice mail’.
165. Being a blonde is crossing the rubicon; there is no turning back.
166. Dogs have more hopes of growing wings than a blonde who is for grey hair when he gets old.
167. I will rather channel towards looking for a white black stone than looking for an intelligent blonde.
168. I have been having bad dreams for the past week until I saw a blonde, it is a nightmare now.
169. The most difficult task to give a blonde is the job of holding the flashlight for you while you screw in the bulb.
170. It is perfectly normal to see a dumb blonde.
171. There is a great similarity between a blonde in her period and a terrorist. It is irrational to negotiate with both.
172. Marry a blonde if you wish to raise dumb kids.
173. It is better to marry someone you do not love than to marry a blonde you love. There is better hope with the latter.
174. Are you thinking of an emotional war? Date a blonde.
175. Some blondes lost their way in a mall. They resorted to the map, then they see an arrow with the inscription, ‘YOU ARE HERE’. One of them turns to the other and exclaims, ‘Wow! How could they know this?’
176. A blonde lost a breaststroke swimming competition, and he told his friend that he realized they cheated because they used arms.
177. Blondes hate smarties because it is difficult to spell.
178. Blondes were created because it is difficult for sheep to bring beer from the fridge.
Funny short jokes
179. Doctor: You have a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.
Blonde: 10? 10 what? Years? Weeks?!
Doctor: 9
180. A blonde doctor wrongly prescribes a laxative for his patient instead of a coughing syrup through the nurse. The boy comes back after three days with more complicated issues.
181. Job interviewer: And where would you see yourself in the next five years?
Blonde: In my mirror, as I do every day.
182. A blonde was locked out his car in a rainstorm, and his car swamped as the soft-top was open.
183. Blondes only do what some strange voices in their ears tell them to do.
184. A blonde child prayed, 'dear god, please clothes to those girls on my dad's computer'.
185. A blonde called an airline and asked, 'How long is your flight from Chicago to Texas?'
The woman replied, 'Just a minute….' The blonde says, 'Thanks' and dropped the call.
186. Blonde: What is the meaning of IDK?
His friend: I do not know.
Blonde: OMG, nobody knows.
187. The blonde couple was frozen to death in their car because they went to see 'Closed for the Winter' at a drive-in movie theatre.
188. Two female blondes were having a conversation, one said to the other, 'I have taken a pregnancy test.' The other one asked, were their questions difficult?
189. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: A brick gets laid only once.
190. Q: What did the left leg of a blonde say to the other?
A: Between us, we can make a lot of money.
191. Q: What do blondes do when they wake up?
A: Go home or greet the guy on her bed.
Dumb blonde jokes
192. A blonde told his friend he got a compliment for good driving because he saw a note on her car, ‘parking fine’.
193. Q: Why do many blondes wear a shoulder pad?
A: To prevent their heads from falling off.
194. A blonde was walking back and forth his mailbox outside the house, and his neighbour asked him the reason. He said that his computer has been saying he got a new mail.
195. A blonde was boasting about his versed knowledge of state capitals. Her friend then asked her the capital of Wisconsin. He replied, 'W'.
196. A blonde went inside of a library and smiling at the librarian, she said, 'Hi, I am here to see the doctor'. The librarian replied, 'this is a library, Miss.' Then the blonde lowered her voice and said, 'I am sorry, and added, I am here to see the doctor.'
197. Q: How can you sink a submarine filled with blondes?
A: Just tap hard on the door.
198. Q: Why do some blonde nurses go to work a red magic marker?
A: In case, there is a need to draw a few pints of blood.
199. During a password check, the auditor discovered a blonde with the following password: WillPlutoMinnieMickeyThanosDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento.
He asked her why such a password, and she replied, 'the instruction says at least eight characters and one capital.
200. Two blondes had fallen into a hole. One complained of the darkness in there, and the other replied, 'I do not know; I cannot see.'
201. Policeman: Miss, why are you reckless with your driving?
Blonde: I have seen trees everywhere I go.
Policeman: That is your air freshener in front of you.
202. Q: Why are blonde jokes short?
A: Because they are dry.
203. Blonde: What do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
Friend: I do not know, love you and talk to you later
Blonde: Ok, I will ask our friend.
204. Blonde: So, that guy who held the door was a clown?
Friend: I said, 'what a gesture and not 'jester.'
Source: UGC
205. Blonde boys who wear snapbacks always melt the heart.
READ ALSO: 100 funniest jokes for teens your kids will love
206. Q: Why are there only a few blonde jokes?
A: Redheads are thinking them up.
207. Q: Why are more Blonde jokes one liners?
A: So brunettes and redheads can remember them.
208. Q: Why will some men prefer blonde to other women.
A: Others are not easy to get into bed.
209. Q: Why are blondes not proud of their hair colour?
A: The hairs are not different from vegetables.
210. A blonde bought a brown cow to get chocolate milk.
211. A woman waved at a blonde across a river and asked, 'how do I come to the other side?' The blonde replied, 'you are already on the other side.'
212. First blonde: Please, do not let anyone know the Bees scare me.
Second blonde: I would not, I am even afraid of the whole alphabet.
213. Q: Why did the blonde girl layout at midnight with her bikini on a lawn chair?
A: She needed to have a dark tan.
214. Q: How do you convince a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her that she is pregnant.
215. Boss: I will pay you $8 hourly from today, but in three months, I will raise your pay to $10 hourly. When do you want to start?
Blonde: In three months.
Messed up jokes
216. Q: How is a mosquito different from a blonde?
A: When you beat a mosquito, it stops sucking.
217. Q: Why do blonde keep quiet during sex?
A: They are obedient to their mum.
218. Q: Why are blondes always confused in the girls' room?
A: They are left with the option of pulling their pants themselves.
219. A blonde girlfriend got tired of her cheating boyfriend. She went to the store and bought a gun and went to meet him. Inside the room, she brought the gun and pointed to her face, the boy yelled, do not do that please’. She shouted, ‘shut up, after me, you are the next.’
220. Q: What is the similarity between turtles and blondes?
A: They are screwed once they are on their backs.
221. Q: Why are blondes associated with railway tracks?
A: Because they are popular for being laid all the nations.
222. Q: How will a blonde explain 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
223. Q: Why does a blonde love tilt steering?
A: More headroom
Blonde memes
224. Q: Why do blonde girls have the belly button bruised?
A: Because there are blonde me.
225. A blonde girl said, ‘if not for the great man that gave us electricity, we will be watching our television with candlelight’.
226. Hair changes colour but not a blonde.
227. I cannot imagine that I am short of my blonde hair dye.
228. I do not like people calling a dumb blonde. My dog gets angry at that.
I allow people to believe I am one dumb blonde so they would not be surprised when I say something stupid
229. He dumped a hot blonde for being too fat, and then he gets married to a fatter blonde.
230. A blonde James Bond.
231. A good looking man with a blonde is a hostage.
232. The only thing blondes miss about an awesome party is the invitation.
233. A blonde in the same with two other blondes is the third dumbass.
234. A blonde who works in a network service company is simply a bad connection.
235. Blondes are so bad in hide and seek games because they can never find the sausage.
236. Perri-air is a for a blonde is a cool refreshing bottle.
237. 10 blondes at the pool bottom are air pockets.
238. A blonde parade has five miles line with an IQ of less than forty-five.
239. Finding a faithful blonde partner is as hard as a rock.
240. Your ex will always be better than your current blonde partner.
241. A pregnant blonde is a hurricane.
242. You cannot tell blonde knock jokes because they will knock on the door.
243. A blonde girl’s sperm is higher than the blonde guy’s.
244. Five blondes on a beach are public access.
245. A peanut is better than a blonde because the peanut is difficult to spread.
246. Blondes find more fun because they are easier to find in the dark.
247. A group of blondes on roller skates is a mobile sperm bank.
248. Three blondes on Santa’s lap are Ho Ho Ho.
249. Peroxide and a blonde both have black pox and cockpit.
250. Blondes with a dollar bill over their heads are 'all you can eat for a buck'.
The blonde jokes one liners are for entertainment. We do not consider all blondes dumb or stupid. There are many blondes like Angela Merkel, who have distinguished themselves in life.
READ ALSO: Funny sarcastic quotes: Top 100
Source: YEN.com.gh
